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Kittens (bay area)

snails (my two fosters, super friendly, good with cats/dogs/children) (other fosters from the rescue I foster for)

Feel free to share/repost
The cuteness:
4 tiny awake
shoe rack kittens
Zing and Gember
Zing looking up
I realized, last night, just how many really horrible, trying, emotionally wearying things were going on that year.

To those of you who remained my friends during that time and persisting afterwards, thank you.

I really, really don't know how I managed to deal with all of that health upheaval, relationship drama, and other foorah. It was exceedingly difficult in just so many dimensions.

Well, more accurately, I didn't deal or cope well with that, was exceedingly moody and short-tempered, exhausted, unable to process. Hypothyroid-to-hyperthyroid rollercoaster and B-12 depletion. Just all around, I was a mess.

For those of you who have drifted away as a result of that stuff, I understand.

For those of you who I exploded all over, I'm sorry.

For those of you still around, and who have seen the outbursts of anger, tears, or uncontrolled snark subside, thanks for your patience, and being willing to see the positive persist throughout that time, my gratitude.

Wanted: Burger and Fries with a soda.

I would like a burger and fries. At a restaurant.

I would like your help finding a place that has both of these available, with the following specifications:

must be fried in canola oil, corn oil, or peanut oil. May not be friend in soybean oil, or vegetable oil containing soybean oil.
bonus if made of sweet potatoes.

May be made of beans, fungus or fish
May not contain soy/tofu/tempeh
Ideally available with grilled mushrooms
Preferably on a whole wheat bun.

Diet coke. No substitutes.

Further bonus:
Onion strings or onion rings.

Super bonus:
mayo that has no soybean oil in it.

Please let me know if you have any leads on where I can find this in the bay area. I'm happy to also hear about places that fry potatoes, fish, shrimp, chile rellenos and/or onion rings in non-soybean oil


If a coworker with whom you have a tense relationship/a history of difficult interactions were to send you an email regarding asking what the next steps were and who was going to handle them, and in the message included "f/u", what do you think "f/u" means?

ETA: Thanks everyone! Unscreening and commenting :-)
She says:

I am looking for roommates to live with me in a beautiful, just renovated three bedroom, two bathroom two story apartment in Mountain View. It has all new windows, tiled kitchen/family room with fireplace, huge living room, private washer and dryer in attached laundry room, attached garage and tons of storage space. Two parking spaces included with the rental, and plenty of on street parking. Private side yard is just waiting for plants.

There are two bedrooms available each for $1100, one master downstairs with two closets, and a second bedroom upstairs with a shared bathroom. Both bedrooms have new lights and ceiling fans in them.
Late-20's woman figuring out life after graduate school. I love books, knitting, and my cuddly indoor cat. I love having interesting conversations with people, trying new places to eat and exploring. I am poly, kink-friendly, non-smoker who wants neat roommates with low drama.

Contact or call 617-697-2037

Burning Man Prep

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I will be camping at Gender Blender, 7:45 and Foxglove. We're sharing space with Camp Beaverton, and across the street (E) from Poly Asylum.

My "work shift" for the week is on Tuesday, and includes the Trans Tea on Tuesday afternoon. Please come visit if you're on the playa.

I've been having a bit of art fun with my new trailer - the theme this year is "Fertility 2.0" and the streets all have floral names, which was the inspiration for the man. He'll get some rainbowification, which I'm still prototyping. There are also some snails on the trailer, permanently replacing logos and me-ifying it.

Consent is Sexy, Ask Me, Maybe



This certainly addresses one form of creeper (and how not to be one). And as someone in the community where I found this said: Such a cute video. Asking is no different than saying "may I have this dance" before taking someone to the dance floor. And, as all of you contact dancers know, "asking" can be done silently in touch. But it only works if you pay attention to the response. Trust me, your dance partners, your sex partners -- and your cat -- will thank you for it (or purr a lot more)!


I've been talking about creepers, about the fear of sexual assault - usually by men, mostly against women. The fear of unwanted gropey creepy attention that isn't at the level of rape, but is still unpleasant, wrong and totally something we'd all prefer to avoid.

I've talked to a few men who are surprised by how much women think about rape, plan to not get raped, or involve rape possibilities in their calculus or risk assessment. This article on Schrodingers Rapist is excellent.

Nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped or someone has attempted to rape them.(1)

It makes sense to think about rape avoidance if you're female.

First dates with men include a "how to I avoid getting raped, or at least make sure my body gets found" calculation.

I ride a motorcycle. People worry about motorcycles, saying "they are dangerous" or "you could be killed." They see me as taking a big risk, as willingly exposing myself to huge dangers with a big downside.

When I leave a friend's house, I'm often told to "ride safely." "Rubber side down" is a common phrase for motorcyclists. I have had a partner who rode who had a habit of texting or calling to convey "I'm leaving" and "I've arrived safely."

I do understand WHY people worry about motorcycle riders, and I also understand that non-fatal accidents are still bad things.

The US is running about 4000 to 4500 motorcycle fatalities per year. 14% of all motor vehicle fatalities involve motorcycles, while less than 1% of miles traveled are by motorcycles. Based on 8.2 million registered motorcycles, this is a rate of approximately 0.055%. (2)

Notice that: One in Five versus One in Two Thousand. 88,097 versus 4,553. (3)

I wonder if being a man in our culture is like driving a car, in terms of "do not regularly worry about this thing, do not actively think about the possibility, do not make evaluations based on avoiding it, and people don't regularly question your judgement with regard to the risk of fatal motorcycle accidents."

And if being a woman is like riding a motorcycle. There is a danger. We know it. We deal with it all the time. We make decisions about safety gear and lane changes and riding conditions/weather that people in cars don't consider.

I feel like I am not being being Full of Articulate, but I have to wonder about the fear mongering over motorcycling - and its statistics, compared to rape, and the way in which worry and planning to avoid both accidents and assaults, are in my life.

(2) from here and here
Even if we were to say "riders ride for ten years, on average" and multiply the rate by 10, so that "risk of being in fatal motorcycle accident" is 0.55%, that is still vastly different than 20%.
I recognize that trying to sort out how many motorcyclists there are is difficult-- many people own more than one bike, many people have bikes that are registered by they do not ride, etc. My point is that women are SO much more likely to be raped than motorcyclists are to be killed. Additionally, 37% of fatalities could be avoided by helmet use. I *always* wear a full helmet.
(3) FBI, 2009, and that is only limiting it to forcible rapes reported to the police.


More on Creeps at Play Parties

I decided to create a spreadsheet to let people give input on what they see as good qualities/undesirable qualities for guests at a play party.

The spreadsheet is here:
Anyone with the link can post. If you don't want your participation trackable, then sign out of Google before going to the post (I think that will work).

I plan to post this link in several places, and would be happy for you to share it or to link to this post. I will be using the spreadsheet in the workshops that I'm presenting.


Adoption - Baby Book

As a child, there were very few books that reflected my family, or how my family came to be. This Baby Book (scrapbook) was one that I loved dearly. It was all about me, me, me. And written for a child that reflected me as much as something generic could.

Adoption in children's stories and books tend to show up in fairy tales that are more reminiscent of The Brothers Grimm than sugarcoated Disney. And I guess that is good, but what an awfully limited set of choices.

There is something to be said for needing to have a special book, from its own section, and not being able to follow the standard narratives and tropes about families. How do you, my friends who are or hope to be adoptive parents, handling it>
first pages of the baby book below the cutCollapse )

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October 2013


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